We are all Broken
by EuropeanDreams
Summary: Adam Ruzek finds himself at a cross roads in life. The kind that will change him forever. The question is what road will Adam take and will Kim be by his side when he does. A/N: The title comes from a popular quote on Pinterest that is a variation of a song lyric by Leonard Cohen. "We are all broken, but that is how the light gets in."
1. Chapter 1

The scene in front of Adam Ruzek could be described as nothing short of chaotic. Lights flashing red and blue across the face of buildings and vehicles that just moments ago had been dark. The sounds of his fellow police officers wrangling the numerous suspects they had busted and the loud music from the party still rang in his ears. In this moment if he actually thought about it he would feel as if his life had purpose and meaning. It was a moment. One of a few he had been having lately. In months if he was honest. Lately the job just didn't seem to be enough. The mob member he was escorting towards the squad van began to try and loosen Adam's grip. A quick adjustment of his hand and a "unintentional" knock to the collar's back got the guy moving in the right direction again. The party they had just broken up was large and the party goers ranged in ages that Adam couldn't believe. Seemed the Donati Family didn't discriminate by age. The intelligence unit had been clued into the location of this particular stash house slash party house two days prior by one of Burgess and Atwater's CIs. Burgess. He was even trying to think of her now by her last name. That was such a joke. Kim. She would always be Kim. Even the thought of her caused his eyes to shift to his right and see her brown hair and slim build wrangling her own suspect towards another waiting van. He watched her handle the guy who was twice her size with relative ease considering she was wearing stiletto heels and one of the shortest skirts he had ever seen her wear. He continued to be amazed at the level of his masochistic side. The fact that even a brief thought of her could cause him to automatically find her in a crowd in seconds was amazing or that he could still remember almost every outfit she had worn that week and how it hugged every curve. Depositing his suspect into the car and slamming the door gave him a needed reason to take his eyes away from the one woman that still seemed to disorient him. He looked back towards the house and shook his head. He wondered how many of the middle class neighbors would be gossiping the next day about what the world was coming to. A drug stash house in the middle of suburbia. Little did they know that was not all that unusual. Maybe they would learn to start reporting those big houses with little furniture that for some reason always seemed to have nice cars in the drive. Luckily the local cops were cool with doing this operation jointly. Could have caused some really sticky political issues if they hadn't. Not that Voight would have cared about that. He began to make his way up the front walk to see who else might need assistance with suspects or the drugs and guns found in the basement.

"Yo, Bro! Crazy party huh?" Adam smiled at Kevin Atwater's comment. He knew his friend was probably salivating at the potential revenue he could have made if he had a crowd this big at one of his gatherings in the city.

"Handing out flyers to your next gig would probably be frowned upon you know."

Kevin's smile spread from ear to ear.

"No doubt. They got more people upstairs. Apparently they must of had some pretty high end "dates" upstairs for the high rollers. Voight and Dawson are up there now." Kevin pointed over his back as he headed towards the front door with two fully packed duffle bags which Adam assumed must be filled with some of the drugs from the basement. Adam slapped him on the back and was getting ready to head to the stairs when he heard his name being called from the second floor. The gravelly voice and terse tone told Adam that Voight would be at the top of the steps and he wasn't disappointed.

"I need you up here for a minute."

Voight didn't wait for a response before turning back down the hallway, so Adam quickly ran up the steps two at a time feeling a sense of urgency that he couldn't reason as to why. Something in Voight's tone told him that this was not just a normal request for help. As Adam reached the end of the hall, Voight stopped him with a raised hand before Adam could get a good look inside.

"Wanted to see how you wanted to handle this before anyone else came up here and got wind of it."

His confusion must have been written all over his face because Voight tilted his head towards the room indicating that Adam should look inside. As Adam stepped forward and looked, he felt his whole mind go blank and then his stomach drop.

"Mom?"

 **Two days prior**

Walking into Aunt Bettie's Diner, Kim felt like she was walking through a fog. It didn't help that it was about 4:30 in the morning and the only reason she was here was due to the late night phone call she had received. Natalie had not only sounded excited, but possibly high. Kept going on about how she needed to tell Kim something, but that she didn't have time to meet then. She had a client. Scanning the small establishment showed that Natalie had no intention of being on time, so Kim grabbed the first open booth and ordered a pitcher of coffee. No, one cup was so not going to do it this morning. As the waitress walked away, Kim stared out the window at the few people walking by and found herself twirling the birthstone ring on her left middle finger. She guessed that it was serving its purpose. Her hand had felt so bare after giving back her engagement ring and she had needed something to fill that void. She couldn't help it that she had now gained a new nervous habit. It was too early in the morning to be nervous, but she knew that this was just par for the course lately. The last few months had been a roller coaster ride that she saw no end to. If breaking off her engagement hadn't been enough of a life changing experience, Roman had been promoted to training officer for the district and had promptly been assigned a new graduate out of the academy. She was happy that Roman was doing something that he enjoyed, but she could have used some more time without additional change. Then again, that was also the reason she had been promoted to Intelligence. Well, the timing worked out anyway. The city graciously allowing the unit to add an additional member due to their stellar closure rate sounded suspect to her, but Voight had always been straight with her in the past so she chose to believe him. Kim took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. Even thinking about this would just send her thoughts down a path she did not want to go down. Especially without coffee. Adam. The first few days had been awkward and she had Lindsey to thank for keeping them separated as much as possible. Lindsey had taken it upon herself to be Kim's mentor and she found herself riding along with her and Halstead most of the time. She still saw him everyday though and seeing him was enough to create a permanent pit in her stomach. She missed him. She missed his lopsided grin. His pet names for her. She missed him. But missing him wasn't enough for her to break from her decision. She still loved him and if she allowed herself to admit it she knew that he loved her in his way. The problem was that even with all that love it didn't change the fact that Adam was not ready to get married and for Kim she just couldn't go back to just dating. She was not equipped with the patience of a saint. The waitress placed Kim's carafe of coffee and a cup in front of her and she felt a sense of relief that she could concentrate on something else. Something as mundane as making sure the chemistry of her coffee: creamer ratio was correct felt like a welcome distraction. As she took her first small sip and felt the bitter taste of the coffee flood her mouth, Natalie walked in the door. Her knee high boots clicked along the linoleum floor in a quick staccato as she made her way towards the booth and slid in across from Kim.

"How are you doing, Natalie?"

Kim placed her cup down on the chipped saucer and waited for Natalie to start her dance. Kim learned from Lindsey quickly that people never wanted to come in and just dump the little nugget of information that they knew was valuable to the team. They needed to play whatever game made their contact feel comfortable. For Natalie, this meant discussing her night and describing sometimes with too much detail her John's sexual preferences. Despite several meetings, Kim still could not keep her cheeks from turning pink at some of the things Natalie would tell her. It had gotten so bad during the first meeting that Atwater said he wouldn't come again. Said that he could not deal with hearing those types of things around a woman he considered to be like a sister. Even if he was at the other side of the diner listening in on a wire. Kim wondered that wasn't most of the reason Natalie had this particular routine. Found her cop friend's reactions to her comments entertaining. Kim nodded her head at Natalie's latest statement and then tilted her head to show that she was listening. The CI seemed to be satisfied at this point that she was being heard and she dropped the dish.

"So my agency was contacted for a big party this weekend. Like really big! Like drug fueled orgy big. They have this house out in the suburbs and they use the basement to package and store all the drugs for the south side of the city there. There is suppose to be another one up north, but I don't have a clue where that one is. The party is for the Donati family."

Kim could feel her eyes getting big in disbelief which she imagined looked quite comical on her.

"Are you sure about this Natalie? Like really sure." Oh god! She was now verbally mimicking her informant. Natalie began to nod her head in the affirmative.

"The party is on Friday and some of the made guys are going to be there so they want some pros."

Natalie just stared back at Kim showing that she was almost done.

"The party is to start at 9. I'll text you the address. And I won't wear a wire. Don't even ask."

Natalie slid out of the booth and walked right out of the diner. Kim picked up her cup again to take a sip and guessed that she now had plans for Friday night.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I'll try and post song lyrics to the beginning of my chapters. I do most of my writing to music so thought I might try to pass on some of the ones I use. Also, thank you so much to those of you that took the time to review, favorite, or follow my story. It was much appreciated!

I've got my hands up, so take your aim, yeah, I'm ready

There's nothing that we can't go through

Oh, it hit me like a steel freight train when you left me

And nothing ever hurt like you, nothing ever hurt like you

-"Nothing Ever Hurt Like You" James Morrison

 **Two days prior to the raid.**

Adam was sitting at his desk trying to concentrate on the paper work in front of him. Running his hand through his already unruly hair did not seem to help with his concentration. Nor did the consistent scratching to his beard. He should probably think about trimming the damn thing, but it was still a pretty cold spring and he was getting attached to the thing. Looking up into Voight's office every two seconds was a bad idea as well. He could see Kim's frame through the window and could tell she was vibrating with a mixture of what he guessed was excitement and too much coffee. She was talking with her hands. God he needed to get her out of his system and mind, but for the life of him he had no idea how to accomplish that. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out to see his mother's face staring back at him. Shit. He so did not want to take this call. "Ok everyone gather round." Thank you, Voight! Adam dismissed the call and got up to join the rest of the group to hear what was up.

Voight began to post pictures of the top six leaders of the Donati crime family. When he got to the sixth, he placed a blacked out silhouette and turned to the group. "I'm sure all of you recognize these boys. The Donati's. Organized crime has a whole room in the basement dedicated to these bad boys and thanks to Kim we might have a chance to bring some of them in. Care to catch everyone up?" Everyone shifted their attention to Kim and she began to tell them about her meeting that morning. Adam smiled slightly impressed that he was still able to read her so well and proud that her move to Intelligence was working out. She was truly the golden girl that Platt liked to call her and she was quickly adapting to Voight's way of doing things. Kim may come across as green initially, but she had good instincts. Her courting Natalie as a CI was proof of that and was currently displayed in front of them. Kim finished up her story and everyone turned back to Voight. "Ok, I think our best course of action is to try and get our two lovely ladies in with the mix. Lord knows the Platinum Dolls owe us a favor or two for letting their girls go in the last few busts we've made. Lindsey, you think you can set that up?" Lindsey nodded, "Shouldn't be that hard. I'll take Halstead and Kim up there today. Get a face to face and make sure they realize that its in their best interest. Piece of cake." Adam felt his hand go to scratch his beard and stopped it. Thinking about Kim going in undercover in such a capacity always made him itchy. She was good at what she did, but his protective instincts were still on high alert. He kept telling himself that she wasn't his. Not anymore. Voight started handing out assignments and Adam vaguely heard him say something about having him and Atwater scope out the address that was given before he dismissed the group. Adam turned around but once again felt his phone vibrate. Looking at the annoying device, he saw his mother was once again calling. Adam signaled to Kevin to give him a minute before he answered the phone. "Hey Mom." Adam made his way into the back hallway to get a bit of distance from the rest of the team. He really did not want them hearing this conversation. "Honey, Gianni absolutely loved you last night. He wants us to get together again next week. Are you free?" Adam leaned back against the wall and searched the ceiling for some kind of inspiration to get out of this predicament. The dinner he had last night with his mother and her newest boyfriend was not what he would have called enjoyable. His mom's overwhelming need to have her son approve of her latest conquest coupled with her enthusiasm and Gianni's too slick personality had grated on Adam's last nerve the whole night. "That's nice to hear. I have no idea yet. I'll have to get back to you on that. Plus, Grace's birthday is next week so I am sure I am going to hear from Dad." Adam cringed as he braced himself for his mother's snide comeback. It always came with any mention of his step mother, but it couldn't be helped. His Dad would have a fit if he dropped Grace's birthday for another dinner with his mother. Adam's head began to pound as he allowed his mother to vent her frustrations out on him. "Look, Mom. I promise I will call you. I'll let you know what night might work. I've got to go. Work calls." Adam quickly terminated the call before his mother could respond. Adam was leaning up against the wall once again looking towards the ceiling for inspiration on how to get out of two get togethers with his parents when Kevin stepped into the hallway. "You ready to roll?" Adam pushed off the wall and pointed toward the exit. "Lets go. I need the field trip." Kevin slapped him on the back and the two friends headed for the lot.

 **Two hours prior to the party.**

Her eyes felt heavy with the fake eyelashes put in place, but Kim knew that she needed them to look the part. She assessed her eyeliner and decided that it looked even enough before going to grab the tube of lip gloss that would be the finishing touch before heading out. Kim leaned towards the mirror and could feel her skirt riding up. Pulling down on the annoying article caused Lindsey to laugh. "You have got to stop that. We've done this what? Five times. I would think you would be use to how short that thing is by now." Kim rolled her eyes at Lindsey's joke. "Never. I don't know how anyone gets use to that. You can't move without flashing the world." Lindsey smirked, "I think that is the point. Your legs look amazing though. Hopefully that won't make our job harder tonight. Don't need you getting caught up with some guido wanting to play grab ass." Kim shuttered with revulsion. She really was constantly amazed at how some men would act at these parties. She placed the lip gloss back in her locker and grabbed her extendable baton and wedged it into her boot. The stiletto heels were going to kill her by the end of the night. Kim straightened up and took one last look in the mirror. She didn't even recognize herself. Taking a deep breath she could hear Nadia telling her to turn the light off in her eyes and she sent a silent prayer of thanks up to her. "Did your daddy ever touch you?" It was almost like Nadia was there since her voice was so clear in Kim's head. Kim's inner voice snarked about how he would actually have to be around for that to happen. She closed her eyes again to banish the voice. That kind of line of thought would only distract her. "You ready?" Kim turned and nodded to Lindsey.

The ride over to the Platinum Dolls parlor was quiet as Lindsey and Kim both were mentally preparing themselves for the night. Walking into the back, Kim was impressed with the plush surroundings of the den. Girls were standing at a bar to one side talking up the few men that were already there looking for company. Not all the dolls would be going to the party with them. The Donati's had only paid for about ten of them to go and had apparently stated that they would provide the transportation. Kim still wondered how Natalie had gotten the actual address, but she knew that Natalie had a friend that worked the phone and she imagined that was how. The Donati's had also specified that all the girls would be inspected prior to leaving and that if anyone was deemed inappropriate that the Dolls would have to substitute. This explained why there were about twenty women working the den tonight, when the manager told them she usually only had ten to staff the place. Kim scanned the faces and felt a sense of relief that Natalie was not there. She had advised her to continue about her normal routine, but to try and stay out of this one. Looked like she had listened.

Kim and Lindsey separated as they made their way further into the room. Kim could hear Voight's voice crackle in her ear, "You ladies better be in place. A party bus has just pulled into the parking lot." Kim was impressed at how well the earring ear piece was working. Mouse was amazing. They could hear Voight loud and clear but the people around them were none the wiser. The bracelet that Kim was wearing had a microphone in it, but she had to key a small button to make it work. Mouse said that it made it so that even if they were scanned for bugs no one would be the wiser. Kim didn't understand all the techie mumbo gumbo he had said, but she trusted that he was right. The back door then opened and a beautiful tall woman walked in. She was about mid to late fifties, but Kim could tell that she would easily pass for younger to the untrained eye. The woman's dress was expensive and well tailored, but something in the way the woman held herself told Kim that she was not all that comfortable in it. Like she wasn't typically the dress kind of gal. The woman briefly spoke to the manager and then looked to all the girls. "Which of you are coming to the party tonight?" Kim, Lindsey, and the others stepped forward, but stopped when the woman motioned. Her cool gaze began to assess the group as she walked along the line of them. She motioned for one of the girls to leave and pointed to replace her with another that was sitting at the bar. She stopped in front of Kim and paused for a minute. Kim concentrated on keeping her breath even, and not making too much eye contact with the woman. The smell of the woman's perfume invaded Kim's nose and clashed with the upper crust persona that the woman was trying to convey. "My name is Mary. Have we used you before?" Kim let her head lean to the side slightly so she could look up through her lashes. "Not that I recall." Kim smiled, "I think I would remember you." Mary looked her over again and nodded. "Alright. You all pass. Get in the bus." Kim followed the rest of the group and linked hands with Lindsey as they walked up. "What was that all about?", whispered Lindsey as she leaned into Kim's shoulder once they took their seats. "I have no idea, but she does seem familiar." Kim kept the woman in her peripheral vision as the bus began to leave the parking lot. "Do you think you've been made?" Kim shook her head in the negative as she tried to put two and two together. Nothing was coming to her so she started going over her mental checklist again in her head. She just hoped that they could do what they needed to and get out without anyone getting hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Once again, thank you so much for the reviews and follows. I've tried to style each chapter to be a bit of Adam and a bit of Kim. How Kim took up most of this chapter, I don't know. As I've been writing this I had been having an easier time hearing Adam's voice in my head and Kim had been a bit of a struggle. She was still a struggle here, but she finally got rolling. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,

Become so tired, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know

I may end up failing too.

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

"Numb" - Linkin Park

 **One hour till the raid.**

Adam stood in the first floor garage of the precinct and adjusted the straps on his vest. He felt a firm tug from behind as Al came up and adjusted the back piece for him. It was their normal routine and usually done in complete silence till the group got together to go over the plan one more time. This time was a bit different though. Adam knew that Lindsey and Kim had left about twenty minutes ago with Voight and Dawson in the trail car. They would be radioing back to the rest of them when it was time to head south. Once his vest was in place, Adam did the same for Olinsky and they both picked up their preferred firepower. Checking his weapon over, he could feel Al's eyes on him. "Your head on straight." Adam nodded his answer to avoid opening his mouth. Al was lucky he had even heard him since the stereo was blaring Linkin Park. Halstead was taking advantage of Voight's and the girls absence by listening to his "pregame music" at full volume. Mouse had been all too ready to comply. Apparently, this was an old Ranger battalion ritual that Jay had missed when getting ready. Adam liked it. He could feel his heart rate increasing with the rhythm of the music and it allowed him to focus more on what he was doing. This, however, he would learn did not help with his patience level. Twenty minutes later, Adam and Olinsky were in position.

The night was quiet. Too quiet for Adam's alert mind. The lights were on in the house up about a block and a half from where they were parked and cars continued to come and go. If he had been able to get out of the car, the noise of the house music would have at least given him a beat to keep his fingers tapping to on the dash. Adam looked out of the side of his eye and watched as Olinsky sat silently listening to whatever was coming through the headset he had glued to his one ear. It was killing Adam. An update would be nice, but the other five to ten times he had asked were met with nothing more than a dismissive nod of the head or Olinsky shifting the toothpick in his mouth. He couldn't take it. "What's going on?" Olinsky grinned slightly, "A party." Adam was going to deck him. "Oh really. I thought it was bridge club. Come on, man!" Olinsky lifted his right hand and pointed his toothpick at Adam. "You know this is what I'm talking about when I keep telling you to get your priorities straight. Particularly now." Priorities! What the hell was he talking about. Adam's head was screaming. "I am, Al. I would think me wanting to know what was going on so I would have a clue as to what we are walking in on and possibly when would be a good thing to know." Shaking his head Olinsky responded, "That is the farthest thing from your mind. You want to know about Kim. If you think you are pulling the wool over my eyes you are quite mistaken." Adam could not believe this. "Al, seriously. I really do not think I need to be lectured about this from someone who up till recently was sleeping on my couch and had his sixteen year old daughter from an under cover op sleeping in my spare room." Olinsky gritted his teeth. "You know you have a smart mouth, Kid and if we weren't here to back up this op and I didn't know that you were speaking out of impatience I would level you." Adam took a deep breath and shifted to face Al, but Olinsky put up his hand. The concentration on Olinsky's face told Adam that something was coming through the wire. "We gotta move." Olinsky dropped the headphone and threw the car into drive. Adam sat back and got ready as Al took them full speed ahead towards the house.

 **Inside**

Getting off the bus and into the house made Kim feel like a piece of cattle. Between Mary acting like a perverted den mother fluffing the girls hair or adjusting a top or skirt and the security guards ogling all of them, Kim was having a hard time keeping herself from punching someone. One look at Erin told Kim that she was holding her cover by a thin thread as well. Mary got to Kim and she brushed some of her hair away from her face. "Such big eyes. Leo will like you." Kim gave her a tight lipped smile and Mary continued on her way. As she made it to the back door another security guard was asking to see inside everyones bag. Kim popped open her bag to show him she only carried a phone, condoms and a tube of lip gloss. He looked up and gave her what Kim could only guess was suppose to be a sexy smile and nodded her through. Kim was pretty sure that she was the staring role in a fantasy of his, but Kim had her own going which involved them all getting locked up.

Erin raised an eyebrow as she joined Kim in the back den area where all the girls were being held for the moment. Looking around the room, Kim could see that the kitchen was off to the right just as Adam and Kevin said it would be. They had been able to dig up the blueprints for the house the day before which was proving to be accurate. The door to the basement would be in there. There wasn't a guard at the door currently and Kim signaled Erin. Erin nodded slightly in the affirmative and then cocked her head in the direction of the door to the main part of the house. Looking over, Kim could see that the party had already started and there was at least fifty people in the front living area. Kim nodded with her and they both kept to the back of the crowd to start trying to head towards the main party. Kim was sure that they were going to get away before anyone noticed when Mary raised her voice. "Wait girls. All ten of you upstairs." Kim and Erin shared a look that conveyed their annoyance and they followed the group but attempted to shield themselves from Mary's keen eye. Mary waved over another group of girls that were waiting in the kitchen to follow as well and then she began to lead them up the stairs. The shear number of them gave Erin and Kim the opportunity they needed and they made their way to the main living area. The number of people in the room created an almost claustrophobic lack of oxygen. The DJ was blaring Notorious BIG and drinks were being served by waiters with trays. Erin and Kim each grabbed a flute and went their own way. Kim had made it about ten steps when the front door opened and two of the Donati brothers made their way into the house. Kim took a sip of her wine and watched the brothers make their way up one of the two staircases that stood on either side of the main living area. She keyed her bracelet and reported to the team, "Leo and Mario are in the house." Erin was not far behind her with two of the others. "Ok girls. That's enough for us to go in. Do you want to try and get eyes on the basement?" Erin looked at Kim and she nodded in the affirmative. There were people all over the place and making their way to the kitchen took more time than they wanted. Luckily there was enough waitstaff and partygoers in it that they wouldn't even be noticed. Kim saw a couple taking lines of coke off the glass kitchen table and knew that there were not going to be many people at this party walking away without at least a misdemeanor. As they got to the door, Erin made a casual comment about whether or not this door was the bathroom for any prying eyes or curious ears and they both snuck in.

As Lindsey guarded the door, Kim slowly began to make her way down. She could feel her feet protesting the slow quiet descent since the shoes she was wearing had really passed their time limit. Hearing voices from below, she stopped where she was. The basement was at least partially finished which meant the walls were blocking her from seeing who was below. A half wall began to the left about half way down the stairs and once Kim could tell that her and Erin's presence had not been sensed, she quietly made her way down to the step right above. From her purse, she pulled out the flexible pen camera that the security guard had mistaken for lipgloss and peaked around the corner. On the screen, she could see two men looking over a table filled with large bricks of cocaine and stacks of cash. She panned the camera around and could see a stack of long guns against the far wall. If the team breached now, those two guys would be within a couple steps of some massive fire power. Kim turned around and looked up towards Lindsey. She tried to quietly make her way up the few steps to let her know what she saw when the step her foot had just landed on let out a loud groan. The voices from below stopped talking and then began walking in their direction. Erin didn't hesitate to tell Voight to breach which caused Kim to grimace. She mouthed guns and pointed downstairs. Kim turned around and began making her way down the steps trying to look as though she was meant to be there and to gain the attention of the two men. She could hear Lindsey cursing under her breath and then she began to follow. One of the men was close to the bottom of the stairs when Kim made her way down. She plastered the biggest grin she could muster on her face and strutted right up to him. "Hey baby. Your buddies upstairs sent me and my friend here down to take care of you. What's your name?" The guy in front of her seemed to be buying the come on, but the bigger guy behind him stopped and squared himself. "Who?"

"What baby?" Kim diverted her attention from the shorter one and made her way towards the guy questioning her. He was at least twice her size and looked like he hadn't met a barbell he didn't like. Kim could sense Lindsey moving to cover the guy behind her.

"Who sent you down?" Kim could feel her heart rate pick up as she stepped right in front of the man. Knowing that at any moment the doors upstairs would be flying open. The man looked down at her face with a menacing glare. "Any of those guys would know better than to send you down here?" Kim could tell that the gig was up. Before the guy in front of her could react she quickly hit him with the heel of her hand right into the nose. As the guy went to protect his now broken nose, Kim landed a second shot to his stomach and a third to the back of his head with the baton she grabbed from her boot. As she stood over the man on the ground who was not going to be going anywhere, she quickly looked back and saw that Lindsey had already subdued her man. "You okay?", Kim asked as she saw Lindsey using the zip ties from her purse to restrain the guy in front of her. "Never better. Nice moves, Ali." Kim was smiling as Atwater came barreling down the stairs. Kim looked back at him and smirked, "What took you guys so long?"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I see that Derek Haas has been having fun torturing all the Burzek fans on twitter. So glad I grew up on daytime soap operas and do not allow the angst to drive me too crazy. It's all a part of the ride. Makes all the good scenes so much better. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter. We are back to the present and heading forward from this point on. Happy Monday!

When I was younger I believed, that I could win.

Now I wonder.

There was a time when you and I, walked hand & hand.

Now I wonder.

"I Wonder" - Chris Isaak

 **Back to the present**

Adam could already feel his mind come back online and the Canaryville part of him get ready to spin. His Mom was dressed up to the nines. It was something he had not seen in a really long time. The dinner two nights ago had been fairly casual so he wasn't sure what to make of the dress and the makeup. He could see the fear and worry in her eyes and he felt himself revert back to the 11 year old boy he use to be. He took a deep breath and made his way into the room to her side. He wrapped his arm around her and felt her return the gesture. "What are you doing here?"

The question came out of his throat on a strangled breath. The questions running through his head were coming so quickly, but he needed to figure out how to deal with the situation first. His Mom pulled out of his embrace and shook her head.

"Oh honey. I was here with a couple girlfriends. You remember Gina, right? Her boyfriend invited us. I had no idea that the Donatis were a mob family. I mean, how would I?"

Adam held his breath as he turned to look back at Voight. His boss was leaning against the door frame watching the interaction unfold. Adam walked up to Voight and prepared himself to ask for a big favor, "What do you say, Sarg? Do we need to take her to the district or would it be okay if I got her home and questioned her further?"

Adam whispered the last part to keep his mother calm. He knew that if she thought she was just going to get interrogated once they got back to her house; she would start trying to claim that she was perfectly capable of driving herself. Adam watched as Voight's eyes sized him up as if he was looking for any subterfuge on Adam's part, but he must of found what he needed.

"Sounds fine to me. I'm already on your Dad's bad side. Don't think it would help to drag his ex-wife down to the district. Besides we don't really have anything to charge her with. Just get back there as soon as you can."

With that Voight turned around and made his way back down the stairs.

"Thanks, baby."

His mom's response turned Adam's veins to ice. Closing his eyes, he counted to ten in his head and tried to keep it together. Slowly turning, he faced his mother who had lost most of the innocent act from her face.

"Lets go before I change my mind."

He watched as his mother picked up her clutch and sauntered her way out of the room. He grabbed her elbow before she could head down the front steps and guided her towards the back. Adam hoped that Olinsky kept the keys in the car and he wouldn't have to ask for those. He was not prepared to be answering any more questions tonight.

The drive to his mother's house was tense to say the least. Adam made the drive to Canaryville in about half the time it would normally take him due to the decreased traffic at this kind of hour. He thanked the heavens for that and cursed them at the same time. The sooner he could be back at the district the better, but he had to get through this conversation first and that was not going to be easy. Parking the car in the back alley of his mother's apartment building, Adam got out and walked around to open his mom's door. She got out without so much as a thank you and immediately began to walk into the building. Adam shook his head and then followed her up to her second floor apartment. Once inside, Adam watched his mother drop her clutch on the kitchen table and then kick off her shoes. All the while she didn't say a word. Adam felt his jaw muscles flex. He figured he might as well get this over with.

"Why were you there, Mom? The honest answer this time."

She turned to look at him with the innocent act back on her face. "I told you. I was with friends. Gina was there."

Adam crossed his arms and tried to keep his mind focused. "Really. I don't recall seeing Gina there. You sure about that. What's her phone number? Will she be recalling the same story?"

Adam's mom glared at her only son. "Don't be smart with me! Of course, she will. Quit interrogating me like a cop."

Adam threw his hands up in the air. "I am a cop and I just got you out of being hauled down to the district. I would like to know what else I might be finding out about you. Did this new boyfriend have anything to do with this? Because the Italian name has got me thinking."

Watching his mother roll her eyes brought Adam close to losing his shit, but his mother simply walked up and patted his arm. "Adam, dear. I think I would be crazy to deal with any more of those types of families. I'm not that dumb."

Adam watched as his mother walked away towards the back of the apartment basically calling their conversation to a close. Leaving the apartment, Adam slammed the door on his way out. His mother was a full blown liar and she was going sink him if he wasn't careful.

Kim was feeling at least a bit more relaxed now that they were back at the district. It was amazing what a quick shower and a fresh pair of clothes could do for your outlook. Well, being fully clothed helped as well. She sipped on her coffee as she was reviewing the witness statements that they had taken so far. They still had at least twenty people from the party and five of the Dolls to interview as to what they saw and how often they had dealings with the Donati's. Kim looked up from her paper work and scanned the bull pen. Something was off. It felt wrong. Adam wasn't here. The last time she had seen him was outside the house when he was putting one of the collars in the back of the paddy wagon. Kim began tapping her pen on the pages she had been scanning and eyed Olinsky. She started to open her mouth when Al beat her to the punch.

"Voight said he sent him on an errand. He's fine."

Kim's mouth hung open and Al just raised an eyebrow. Removing the toothpick from his mouth he said, "Its not hard to figure out what you were going to ask. Its been too quiet." Kim smiled slightly as Olinsky headed back towards the holding rooms.

An hour later, as they were finishing up on the interviews she heard footsteps coming up the steps and Adam made his appearance. He looked frustrated and upset as he headed towards his desk. Kim watched as he tugged his jacket off and dropped down into his chair. Part of Kim wanted to walk up and ask him if everything was okay, but as she started to head in his direction Voight called out, "Ruzek, my office."

Adam rose and walked right past her without acknowledging her presence. Kim followed his movements and then let out a sigh. She needed to concentrate on the case and not whatever was going on with Ruzek. That's what she kept telling herself as she sat down at her desk and added the new statements to the ones she already had. She kept looking through the window at Adam as he talked with Voight. He was holding himself in a way that had Kim captivated. He looked shaken. The last time she had seen that hollow tormented look in his eyes was as she was giving him his ring back. The thought was like a punch to the gut. She looked back down at the papers on her desk and tried to push the thought back down.

Walking into Voight's office and shutting the door, Adam stood on the other side of the desk as Voight sat down. He was trying to keep himself from over thinking the situation with his mother or what he was going to say to Voight. He learned a long time ago to go with the flow and only answer the questions asked. A life growing up with a cop as a father teaches you a thing or two. Voight was leaning back in his chair assessing Adam. He knew that. Waiting for him to give something away. Adam raised an eyebrow.

"What do you want to know boss? Did my mom cop to anything? Of course not."

Voight leaned forward and placed his forearms on his desk. "Did she give you a better reason than a friend inviting her for being there?"

Adam shook his head. "Nope. Said her friend Gina invited her and that she was at the party. Did we hold anyone by that name?"

Voight responded with one word, "No."

The pregnant pause gave Adam time to think which he knew was written on his face. His mind went to all the times his mom prepped him on what to tell his dad when he went home for the weekends. He could hear it clear as day, "Tell your father I was out with Ana when he called on Wednesday. Make sure he knows I was home by ten and you were with your Aunt Katelyn. Understand?"

Adam pulled himself back to the present and saw that Voight was still looking at him. Adam shrugged his shoulders. Voight narrowed his eyes slightly, "Its possible that she left out the front before we went in. A couple cars were leaving as we came in. However, that does not explain why your mother was in the only room made to be like an office when the other rooms were not. If I get even a hint that she is involved in some way, she has to come in. I know Liz isn't the easiest person to deal with. I know you don't want to do that to your own mother, but we have a job to do. Understand?"

Adam nodded his head. Voight stood up and started to make his way around the desk. "Lets see what the others have found."

Voight's office door came open and the two men made their way out. Voight called the team together and they all started going through the findings. Everything was falling into place until they got to two points.

The first was that one of the Donati brothers was not at the house and was still at large. His name was Marco Donati. The one with no picture to go with the name. He was the behind the scenes guy. The one people heard about but never really saw. Rumors floated around about him and how dangerous he could be but beyond that the intel was spotty.

The second point of contention was when Voight ran through the names of the Dolls and women that they had picked up at the party. Kim's brain pinged when she noted one obvious omission even though every Doll statement mentioned her. She raised her papers before speaking, "Um...I didn't hear a Mary in that list."

She slowly lowered her hand and the paper when she realized that she was acting like a schoolgirl asking permission for her turn to speak.

"Mary. She was the lady that came to pick us all out. She got up close and personal with me and I almost thought I wasn't even going to make the cut for the party."

Ruzek cleared his throat and Kim directed her attention towards him. "Maybe you got the name wrong."

Kim glared at him. She may not have perfect recall, but she knew the name was right. She took a breath and continued forward, "I'm sure the name is right. She was tall, blonde, and beautiful for her age. Probably in her mid to late fifties. Really nice dress and heels. Cheap perfume. There is no way any of you could have missed her. She never would have been able to run out of there in those heels. She should have been upstairs with all the other Dolls."

Lindsey came to stand next to her and nodded in agreement. Voight just looked towards Ruzek to see his response.

"Well, she didn't show up here, so I guess she did."

Kim knew something was up, but she couldn't argue with what he said. She stared into Adam's eyes and then she saw it. The slight shift in his eyes told her that he was hiding something. Something that he did not want the rest of them to know. She knew that now was not the time to push with all eyes on the two of them.

Kim stepped back and shrugged her shoulders, "I guess I can't argue with that."

The rest of the team turned back to Voight as they reviewed the rest of the evidence looking for clues to where Marco could be hiding, but Kim watched Adam. She wondered if she was making things up in her head, but her heart told her that Adam was dealing with something much bigger than just their case.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Ok, this chapter is all Adam. Might be a bit out of left field, but that is the fun of fan fiction after all. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks again for the reviews! They are a huge motivation boost to get chapters out to all of you. Not sure I will be able to keep up with this pace, but luckily my schedule has allowed it so far.

And all the roads that lead you there were winding

And all the lights that light the way are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how

I said maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall

"Wonderwall" - Oasis

Adam felt like an idiot. Everyone was hanging out at Molly's and he was trying to be his usual self, but he felt like he was failing spectacularly. He was rusty at the whole "Hey, I'm fine. Lets party and have a good time" routine. It had worked his first two years in the unit, but the game was old now.

Something in him had changed. Maybe Wendy had been right when she said that the unit had changed him. Maybe all the playing pretend and the adrenaline had stripped away some of his bullshit, or maybe it was something else. Looking at Kim, as she was laughing at something that Atwater had said was his answer. Yes, the unit had changed him, but so had she. He couldn't deal with that revelation right now.

Searching for an escape, he noticed that the drinks were getting a bit low for the group. Perfect. It gave him the opportunity to get away and refocus. "Looks like we need another round. I'll be back people."

He made his way to the far end of the bar and rubbed his eyes as he waited for Herman to make his way down to this end. He liked the firefighter but hoped that he wasn't going to be trying to dispense any advice tonight. Adam felt the hair on the back of his neck tingle. His acting skills might have been terrible that night, but his radar for when Kim was in his vicinity was working fine.

She came to stand beside him and rested her forearms on the bar. He knew what was coming. Her attitude during the wrap up was clear. She had figured out that something was going on with him and despite their recent nonverbal agreement to give each other a wide berth, she was going to be like a dog with a bone. Her eyes always said volumes before she ever spoke, so he knew to be prepared.

"What was going on today? What errand did Voight send you on?"

Adam looked down at her as she finally turned to face him. If he was expecting to see anger in her eyes, that wasn't what he got. Concern and worry were what he saw and nope not touching that was his thought. Smirking, as he spoke in that way he knew under normal circumstances would disarm her, "I have no idea what you are talking about. Everything's fine."

Quickly, he could tell that wasn't going to work. Kim's eyes had hardened as she narrowed her focus on him. "And the errand?" He shifted his gaze back behind the bar as Herman came up to them, "Another round my man! Thanks!" Adam handed some cash over for the round and turned to head back to the table.

Kim stepped in front of him and he stopped to avoid bumping into her. Her gaze told him that she wasn't going to move without an answer. "It was an errand for Voight. If he wanted you to know, you would."

Adam knew the retort was rude, but it gave him the out he needed. He finally side stepped her and headed back towards the table with every intention to join the group. But as he watched the other members of the team with their smiles after a job well done, he couldn't do it. He walked past all of them and out the door.

The cold night air hit him like a sledgehammer, but it made him feel good. Like the slap of reality he needed. He needed to walk and sober up. He needed to figure out his next move. His mother was putting him in a bind that he should probably just let her deal with. He didn't believe her for a minute that she did not know what kind of party she was at, but proving that was not necessarily something he was up for dealing with.

As he continued to walk, he thought back to what Kim had said. That a pretty blonde woman named Mary was the one that picked her and Erin up. Her description sounded an awful lot like his mother using a fake name. He could tell by Voight's look during the debrief that he thought so to. At this point, Adam found himself next to the river and he stopped to watch as the boats made their way out of the city.

Adam felt sick to his stomach. She couldn't possibly be involved. He kept repeating that in his head as he watched the boats. Part of his heart wished that he could be on one of them and headed out of town. That feeling of wanting to escape was what snapped him out of it. That wasn't him. He knew from experience that escaping never worked. He'd seen what that did to people. It only made reality that much harder to deal with when you finally had the courage to do so.

His mind made up, Adam pushed off the railing and headed towards the line of taxis that had started taking up shop outside of Molly's. They sure learned quick where the latest cop/firefighter bars were. Adam hopped in the first one he got to.

"O'Donnell's Pub. Canaryville."

The driver raised an eye brow as if questioning Adam's choice. "You heard me right."

The driver put the taxi in gear and pulled out into traffic. The drive only took about fifteen minutes which was hardly enough time for Adam to plan out what he was about to do. Instinct was going to have to be enough. That second shot might have been a bad idea at Molly's. Adam paid the driver quickly and got out before he changed his mind.

Looking up at the sign, Adam took a deep breath and walked in. The inside was like any other Irish pub you would go to with all the dark wood accents and the green seat cushions. The televisions were replaying an Irish rugby match that he could hear a bunch of men arguing about a call off to his right. The stained glass over the bar looked like it hadn't been cleaned in awhile, but that didn't surprise Adam. He made his way towards the bar and could feel not only his mental attitude shift, but his gait change. He could feel the demons of the past coming to the surface. The part of him that he only tapped a little for work was now in the forefront of his mind. Voight had said he needed the Canaryville side of him, but Adam knew that he didn't need the full Canaryville Adam. Not the one he use to be.

When he reached the bar, Adam noted that the bartender was not someone he remembered. As the guy walked up, he could tell he was getting sized up. Shit, he was already being viewed as an outsider. "Hey man. Can I get a Guinness and while your at it is my uncle in?"

The bartender's eyes narrowed, "Who exactly is your uncle?"

Adam rolled his eyes and exhaled in impatience. "Danny."

The bartender took a step back and put his hands up. "Ok man. Let me get you that beer first." The bartender did the initial pull for Adam's beer and as it was settling the guy came back. "Which nephew are you?" Adam was quickly getting annoyed, but knew he had to play the game. "Just tell him Adam would like a word."

The bartender finished pulling the pint and set it in front of Adam, "Give me a minute."

Adam took a seat and drummed his fingers on the bar as he waited. He didn't really want the beer, but knew it was the price of admittance so to speak. Within a couple minutes, he saw his uncle making his way towards him. As he went to stand, Uncle Danny leveled him with his steely glare that told him he wasn't exactly happy to see him. The man was in his sixties and had pretty much lost most of his hair. What he lacked for in hair he made up for in muscle. Most people would never guess that they were related. Adam suddenly felt like he needed to be making a trip to the gym.

"Adam. Been a long time. Breaks your aunt's heart that you never visit. Guess you don't feel like you can associate now with your new job and all."

Adam sat back down. "I deserve that. I haven't exactly had the time lately." His uncle shook his head and began to make his way behind the bar. "So what brings you down here now. I would hope its not on official business, but I'm sure you can understand if I find you just popping up a bit suspect."

Adam sighed. It was going to be harder than he thought. Adam tilted his head, "You know I had dinner with mom recently. I haven't completely turned my back on the family." Danny huffed. "That hardly earns you a medal, kid." The smart ass comment told Adam that as upset as his uncle was he was still cracking a bit.

"True. Speaking of my mother. What exactly has she been up to lately?" His uncle stared at Adam. "I would think you would know if you had dinner with her, but I'm guessing that you aren't asking about wellbeing or if she made Sunday dinner."

Adam nodded his head. "I'm more interested in how she is earning her money and what you know about this new guy." His uncle crossed his arms and shook his head. "You really expect me to rat out my own sister to her son? You're turning into your father, Adam."

Adam looked away from his uncle annoyed at his comment. "I am a cop, Uncle Danny. Besides I'm betting you already know that I picked her up and got her out of being detained tonight. I bet you were her first phone call after I left the apartment, too."

Danny's eyes widened in shock and Adam knew he had him. "No, I didn't know that and no she didn't call me. Stupid woman. What did she do?"

Adam held his hand up to stop his uncle. "She didn't necessarily do anything. Its why I'm asking about the new guy and what she is caught up in. She was at a Donati stash house. They were throwing a party and she said Gina's boyfriend invited them. Sound familiar?"

Adam watched his uncle mull over his options in his head and waited for him to decide what he was going to do. "Uncle, if you don't tell me... I can guarantee you that someone from my unit is going to figure out that Mom was there. I can then guarantee that they are going to figure out that you are related and then they are going to show up here. Do you really want someone like Hank Voight showing up here? Its not like organized crime doesn't know what you guys do here."

Adam was pretty sure that there was an underground card game going on in the back casino room even as they spoke and who knew how much dope was in the basement currently. His uncle let out a huge exhale as he admitted defeat. "I don't know for sure what she is doing for work now. Seems to be paying her bills. I think the new guy is supporting her, honestly. He stopped in here about a week ago and dropped off her rent money."

Adam felt some blank spots being filled in when it came to his mother. "Explains why she hasn't asked me for money lately." He should have noted that earlier, but he had honestly been enjoying the break from routine and hoping that she had changed her tune. "Who exactly is this new guy anyway?"

His uncle's posture got a little stiff. "Italian. Obviously. Is he a Donati? I don't know. What I do know is that I didn't like the guy when he stopped in here. Gave me a bad feeling. I don't think your mom knows what she is dealing with."

Adam's uncle stepped forward and placed his hands on the bar in front of Adam. "Ok, I think she is working for him as well. I've heard rumors." Adam narrowed his eyes, "What kind of rumors?"

His uncle looked like he was ready to puke. He was that angry or disgusted. "Like there might be a new madam in town. How there is this new lady hooked up with the Italian mob that is shopping new girls from the establishments around town. They say she entices them away with better pay and protection, but then the pay ends up being the same or worse."

Adam was sick. He knew his mother wasn't exactly the warm and cuddly type but this was a bit much to take. "What makes you think that this is my mom?"

"The timing is all. Plus, all the girls say the lady is blonde. I could be wrong, but the rumors all started not long after your mom hooked up with this guy."

Adam went to get up from his chair. "Thanks, Uncle Danny. I appreciate it."

Adam started to walk away before his uncle called him back. "Hey! Finn is getting out in about two months. Make sure to stop in and say hi. He'd love to see you."

"I'll make a note in my calendar."

"And if you ever get tired of being a pain in the ass you know I'd have work for you."

Adam acknowledged the olive branch with a small smile and left the bar. His life now seemed even more complicated than it did when he was at the Donati house. Looking down at his watch, Adam realized that he probably wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight. Hailing a cab, he headed home for a much needed shower and a change of clothes.

Arriving at the district and walking up to the bullpen took everything in Adam. Taking a long drink from his coffee mug, he made his way to his desk. Only Atwater and Halstead were in so far, so Adam figured he would have a few minutes to get settled. He should have known better.

Atwater swung his chair around and leveled Adam with a glare. "Where the hell did you go last night? We ended up with an uneven shot count. Not that I'm complaining. More for me. You ok?" Adam set his mug down and took off his coat.

"I'm fine. Just needed to get out of there." Kevin rocked back and forth in his chair. "Yeah. I saw Kim corner you at the bar. That why you left?"

Adam shook his head. "Nah, man. Don't go blaming her. I just wasn't feeling it. Decided I needed to get some air. Then I went to see some family I've been over due checking in with."

Kevin dropped forward in his seat. "At that time of night? My family would tell me to be more civilized than to drop by in the middle of the night."

Adam couldn't help but smile despite the lack of sleep. "Well, my family keeps some odd hours. They own a bar. I stopped in there."

"Ok. Well, you know. Just wanting to make sure you're doing ok."

"I'm fine." Adam looked up as he heard footsteps and watched as Kim made her way into the room. She looked exhausted and Adam hoped that meant he could have a reprieve from her focus.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN:_ So sorry for the delay in updating. Life has been a bit crazy this week and Kim once again was being a bit difficult. I have another story idea floating in my head that Kim seems determined to tell first, so I had to get a little of it on the page before she would cooperate with this chapter. Not sure if I will post that one or not. Will have to see how it develops. I've got most of this story outlined, so I hope to get back to updating soon.

And it might take some time to patch me up inside

but I cant take it so I, I run away and hide

And I might find in time that you were always right

You're always right.

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning

Now, I'm here to stay, love can be so boring

Was it what you wanted?

Could it be I'm haunted?

"Best I Ever Had" Gary Allan

 _"_ _It was an errand for Voight. If he wanted you to know, you would."_

The comment stung Kim to the point that she just stood there as Adam walked around her and away from the bar. It was cold and it made her heart hurt. He was shutting her out. Wow. Shocking revelation. Her internal sarcasm could not be contained. Could she really blame him? No, she couldn't. Why would he? She was the last in a line of women that had cut off their engagement to him and it wasn't like she had eased into her questioning. If she really thought about it, she had not exactly been the understanding lets really talk about this type in awhile. God, now didn't she feel like a complete bitch. She was asking him to trust her when she hadn't even trusted him fully with how his actions had made her feel. She walked back to the table and felt Atwater nudge her shoulder. She smiled at her old partner to try and show that she was okay. She must not have been convincing because he leaned down so only she could hear him. "You giving Adam a hard time? He sure booked it out of here." Kim looked at Kevin sideways. "Do you think he has been acting weird?"

Kevin shrugged as much as he could with his big frame bent down like he was. "Adam? Yeah. Ever since you two broke up. He's like a wounded puppy. Don't tell him I said that. Why?"

Kim could feel her hair brushing her shoulders as she shook her head and tried to deflect the truth in his statement. "That's not what I'm talking about. The last few days."

Kevin shrugged. "I haven't noticed. Seems alright to me."

Kim let Atwater get back into the conversation that the table had moved to and she felt her phone buzz. Looking down at the screen she saw a text from her sister light up the screen.

 _Zooey is at a sleep over. Want to come over for a glass of wine? Know you should be off by now._

Kim couldn't help the smile that came to her face. Erika always seemed to have impeccable timing. Excusing herself from the group, she walked out front to catch a cab. No sense taking any chances in driving when Molly's had enough cabs stalking its doors for everyone in the place to have their own. She shot off a quick text to her sister to say that she was coming and then sat back. She kept thinking about what Atwater said. That Adam was different since they had broken up. She had noticed the change from afar. She didn't think about how hard it must of been for Kevin to stay friends with both of them without seeming to take sides. The comment had stung a bit. There wasn't a day that had gone by that she didn't question her decision, but it had been instinct and she had learned long ago to trust her instincts.

When the cab finally pulled up to her sister's address, Kim was ready to be away from the unit. She needed this time. Time to be with her only family remaining in Chicago. Her sister's door opened before Kim even reached it. Erika Burgess enveloped her in a hug and pulled her inside. "Aaron's away on a business trip. The house is so quiet. I can't stand it." Kim followed her sister into the kitchen where she already had some red wine poured and waiting. Kim marveled at her sister. She seemed so content in her life now. Ok, sure her sister still didn't like to be alone, but she was happy. Such a change from when they were younger. "Were you at Molly's? How's the new job going? Has working with Adam been going ok?"

Kim had to hold her hands up to stop her sister before she lost track of what questions she wanted answered. "Whoa. Whoa. One question at a time, please." Kim laughed at her sister's rapid fire assault. "Yes, I was at Molly's. We all need a drink after a day like this. The job is going great."

Kim then lifted her wine glass and took a sip. Erika raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. Kim knew that she was waiting for the answer to the last question. She had been pestering her with texts and calls to see how she was doing ever since the break up. Kim was almost ready to change her number at one point, but that felt like amputating a body part. A bit excessive. "Look. Yes, Adam works in the unit, but he has a different partner. I don't really have to interact with him much so it's fine."

Erika laughed. She right out laughed. "Kim you are such a horrible liar. You are not fine. How about you try again." Kim glared at her sister and looked away. "I didn't come over here for you to get entertainment by needling my private life."

"I didn't ask you about your private life. I asked about how working with your ex was going, but now that you mention it. When are you going to drop the whole pride thing and actually talk to the man? You know he might actually open up if you quit acting like you are ok and told him you miss him. Maybe the whole thing was a misunderstanding."

Kim could not believe her sister's audacity. "A misunderstanding?! He had a month to plan on having dinner with Mom. How could that..." Erika grabbed Kim's hand to silence her. "I'm just saying that he could have a reason. I wasn't exactly excited to meet Aaron's parents and look how that turned out. I avoided it for over a month, Kim."

Kim rested her head in her free hand. The day was finally catching up with her and her strength to fight reality was quickly waining. She had to admit her sister spoke her own truth in that statement. Erika was NOT eager to meet Aaron's parents when they were college sweethearts.

"But with Dad...", Kim watched Erika give her the big sister look before speaking.

"Didn't you say that his parents got divorced. Do you not think he has his own demons? He might have just been better at hiding them till now."

More truth. Kim wasn't sure how much more she could take. She could feel her sister's hand squeeze her own before releasing it. Kim decided she might as well be honest about her own concerns.

"I think he is going through something with this case. No one else seems to see it, but I don't know." Erika smiled, "Yes, you do. Trust yourself, Kim."

Kim took another sip of wine and thought about how broody Adam had become over the last few months. It was a depth of emotion she was sure that not many had been allowed to see. Kim was also pretty sure the happy fast talker was Adam's preferred disposition.

"I liked him by the way." Kim knew the look on her face showed that she didn't believe her.

"You met him once by accident." Erika smiled and shrugged. "Zooey liked him and I believe that my daughter is an excellent judge of character."

Kim laughed, "She liked him because he gave her a piggy back ride down the street and then bought her ice cream when we weren't looking."

Erika pointed at Kim, "See. He's good with kids and he's not afraid of them. Or it means my daughter is going to be a good con artist."

Kim finally began to feel like the laughs were coming naturally. "I'll bet on sales."

The next morning felt like it took forever to come for Kim since sleep was elusive due to the wine she had drank with her sister. Her legs felt like lead as she made her way up the stairs to the bull pen. The first set of eyes she made contact with was Adam's. He looked like his night had been worse than hers. She held his gaze as long as she felt comfortable and then made her way over to her desk. Dropping her gym bag, she sat down to restart her phone tree of CIs when her cellphone began to vibrate. Looking down at her phone, she saw Natalie's phone number across the screen. She quickly swiped to answer and waited for Natalie to speak.

"I heard that you were like looking for me.", was Natalie's annoyed greeting. "I thought you told me to lay low."

"Can you talk? I mean are you available?" Kim waited with bated breath as Natalie confirmed that she could meet. Kim stood and grabbed her coat off the back of her chair. "Meet me at the diner in an hour. Don't be late Natalie. It's important."

Kim could feel Adam's eyes on her as she left the room, but she couldn't acknowledge it now. She just hoped that Natalie had a piece of the puzzle that they were missing. Kim made it to the diner in exactly an hour and fifteen minutes and was happy to see Natalie already there for a change. Kim slide into the booth and Natalie rolled her eyes. "Now look who's late."

Kim looked down sheepishly, "Traffic." Kim pulled her scarf from around her neck before asking the question most on her mind, "Have you ever met or seen Marco Donati?".

Natalie's eyes narrowed before she spoke, "You mean you didn't pick him up the other night?"

Kim shook her head and felt awful when Natalie began to fidget in a way that Kim knew meant that she had something. Natalie looked out the window like a woman ready to run for her life if needed. "I've met him once. He showed at a party that was being hosted by his brother Al. Al had hired me and one of the other Dolls for the night and we had only been there for about fifteen minutes. Marco came in with his current piece of arm candy, but I wouldn't necessarily really consider her that. I mean she was around his age, but she was beautiful. I mean like Elle McPherson beautiful."

Kim tried to ignore the fact that they both actually knew who Elle was, and focused on what Natalie was saying now.

"He is one of those guys you just never forget. Really nice and a flirt. He had business to discuss with Al so us girls just kinda hung out. I honestly can't remember her name and I wish I could. She annoyed me because she started to ask us about our rates and if we liked where we worked. Like really? I do; however, have a picture of him. If that helps."

Kim's mouth dropped open as she tried to figure out how she ever got this lucky or how Natalie was even alive after meeting with the most infamous gangster in Chicago. Let alone getting a picture. Natalie slide her phone across the table which showed a selfie of Natalie and who Kim could only assume was the other girl that Al had hired.

"Natalie, I don't understand."

Natalie began to shift and resize the photo till she had enlarged the background over her left shoulder. There in the back was a man. The resolution wasn't the best, but at least you got three quarters of his face. Kim's smile spread across her face. "Thank you Natalie. Text me that picture and I promise we will protect you."

Natalie shook her head. "I'm fine. I have a plane ticket to Florida. Booked it before the party. Figure I can like hang in Miami with my family for awhile and give this a chance to blow over. I'm heading straight to O'hare."

Kim nodded and squeezed her hand before jumping out of her seat and heading for the door. After returning to the precinct, Kim bounded up the steps with the enhanced and blown up picture in her hand. She marched up to the board and replaced the blank space where Marco's name sat. Kim turned around and pointed to the board. "Everyone meet Marco Donati."


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Ok, this is just a short little chapter since the next couple chapters will be quite long. Getting closer!

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head

Little voices whispering

That I should go and this should end

Oh and I found myself listening

"Where I Stood" -Missy Higgins

Adam stood up and moved towards the board with everyone else after Kim had made her announcement. When Adam's eyes looked over the photo he felt as if the floor had disappeared out from under him and he was tumbling into an abyss. His uncle was right. He knew "Marco". Adam could see him in his mind's eye drinking wine at dinner. Acting as if he was so interested in Adam and doting on his mother as if she was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Adam could feel his vision narrow as he only half listened to Voight talk about having Mouse run facial recognition to see if the man had aliases already in the system. His orders for everyone else to talk to their CIs fell on Adam's deaf ears. Adam felt as if he sleep walked back to his desk.

Sitting down, he went through the motions as he saw the rest of the team working like bees to get a hold of anyone they thought might be willing to talk. He looked over each of his team mates and only paused when his eyes fell on Kim. The brief need to pull her aside and speak with her was overshadowed by a greater need to figure all this shit out.

Adam slowly got up from his chair and made his way down the back stair well. He had a decision to make. Did he chose the family that was given to him by birth or the one he had created for himself? As Adam hopped into his truck, he had no destination in mind, but knew he had to get away to think. Because no matter what he decided he was going to be burning a bridge that he absolutely did not feel strong enough to burn.

Kim noted Adam heading down the back hallway, but since she was on the phone she couldn't follow him. She expected him to return after a trip to the vending machine, but that did not happen. When she realized that forty five minutes had passed, she knew something was wrong. She kept her head down and picked up her phone. She typed out a quick text to him asking where he was with the hope that for once he would answer.

She noted Olinsky and Kevin asking each other what Adam had been working on since they all had overlapping CIs and didn't want to miss anyone or overly annoy someone who might have information. Kim checked her phone again to see that her iMessage had been sent, but not delivered. Was his phone off?

Kim's mind began to race. This wasn't like him. He was always loud and right in the thick of things. That was Adam. This was shifty. Kim saw Voight come out of his office and look around the bullpen.

"Where's Ruzek?"

Kim waited to see what the others had to say. Olinsky just shrugged his shoulders and Kevin responded, "I'm not sure, Sarg. I think he must be tracking down one of our CIs. I've texted him, but he hasn't gotten back to me yet."

Voight nodded and then looked to Mouse. "Get a location from his phone." Voight started to walk back into his office when Mouse pipped up. "Um...Boss. His phone is off."

Kim's eyes shifted back to watch Voight as he turned back to Mouse. "What do you mean its off?"

Mouse just shrugged, "Sorry, but its off. It might have died if he didn't charge the battery or something, but I can't track him."

Voight looked to Atwater and Olinsky. "Drive by his place and see if he is there. I need to talk with him immediately." Kim watched as the two cops got up to leave. Kevin was obviously confused. "What the hell did Ruzek do?" Olinsky just waved it off, "Don't worry about that. We just go find him."

Something deep in Kim's gut told her that they wouldn't find Adam at his place. Something told her that if his phone was off he was going someplace that most of them wouldn't know about. Kim grabbed her coat and started to head towards the hallway down to the parking lot. As she passed Voight's office she heard her name.

"Where are you headed?" Kim looked back at Voight and she could see him assessing her. "If you think you know where he went, go. Get him back here." Kim nodded and continued on her path. She needed to find him and fast.

When Kim pulled up to the local soccer field in Canaryville, the only open spot was near a small hole in the wall bar. The looks from some of the patrons outside for a smoke raised the hairs on the back of Kim's neck as she made her way towards the field. Kim remembered Adam talking about an old abandoned building that he use to go to when he wanted to get away from his parents. She scanned the parked cars with the sound of the local kids playing in the background. Just when she thought she was in the wrong place she spied Adam's truck. Kim began to head in that direction when one of the patrons decided that he needed to speak to her. "You lost missy. Don't see many dime pieces like you down here." Kim turned around and leveled the guy with a stare to match his attitude. "I'm not lost. Just looking for a friend. Thanks for the help though." Kim turned away and continued walking towards Adam's truck. A large warehouse stood like a run down castle amongst all the houses behind it. From the look of things, the building still had not been purchased and was empty. Kim looked up towards the second floor to try and see if she could see anything in the windows, but the years of dirt and graphiti made that impossible. Making her way towards the closest entrance showed that the city had boarded up most of them to try and keep the local gangs and drug addicts out, but something told Kim that it wouldn't matter. There was a way in.

"Go around back." Kim spun around to see the guy from earlier. "I'm guessing your friend is Adam Ruzek. Haven't seen him in a couple years. Saw him sneak in through the back about an hour ago. Not sure how but that was the direction he went in. He your dealer or something?"

Kim hide her confusion and shook her head, "No. Thanks." Kim made her way around the building trying to put as much space as she could between them. Initially, she was stumped as to how to get in until she spied one missing nail for one of the boards up against a window. As she pulled the board away, she saw that it was just enough space for her to make it in.

The inside was almost pitch black with only small beams of light making their way in around the plywood. Kim wrapped her arms around herself since the inside was only slightly warmer than outside. Hearing scurrying around her, Kim dug around in her pockets until she found her phone. Activating the torch gave her some light to move by, but part of her wished she had been able to keep it off. Rats made their way along the floor looking for any kind of water. Kim took a deep breath to try and keep her skin from crawling and then looked for a way to get upstairs. She went as quickly as she could to avoid the rodents and when she reached the second landing she found what she was looking for. The second floor was completely open and the windows up here had not been boarded up. Right in the center of the room was Adam, leaning against one of the windows watching the soccer practice below.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: And the conversations begin. Enjoy!

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

I can't believe it, I still want you

After all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you, whoa...

"I Never Told You" - Colbie Caillat

Adam had been watching the activity below, but the arrival of a certain brown haired detective had given him something more interesting to watch. He observed Colin continue to try and get some kind of interaction with Kim. He felt conflicted. Impressed and happy that she had remembered where his little hideaway was and scared that he was actually going to have to face her. She knew. The only reason that Kim would be actively looking this hard to find him would be if she had put most of the pieces together.

He watched her begin to make her way around the building and then lost sight of her. He waited. The silence of the building was now deafening. He could hear the rhythmic drip of water somewhere and then heard the loud slide of plywood on concrete. She'd found the opening.

Adam focused his attention on the kids down on the field and waited. The kids faces showed uninhibited joy that can only come from the innocent and Adam felt a sense of loss that he could hardly remember a time that he had truly felt that way. Sad that he knew how to mimic its look in his daily life. Light steps could now be heard coming up the metal stairway and Adam knew his time was running out. He could stay and face the music or he could hide and put off the inevitable.

It wasn't really much of a choice. He loved her too much to run anymore. It was time to show her the whole story. Not just of the case, but of his family. Of him. Her footsteps became softer as she reached the top of the stairs and began to come into the open second floor. The room Adam was in was completely open since it had previously been used in industry of some kind. Adam could imagine that huge conveyor belts had previously been in this room.

He continued to lean against the steel beam as he looked out on the field below. He just couldn't look at her yet. He didn't turn once Kim was within a few feet of him, but he finally acknowledged her presence. "Took you long enough." He could hear Kim step over something and then she stopped as if knowing that was as far as Adam wanted her to go. He could hear the smile on her lips as she spoke, "Well, I almost got eaten by one of the rats down there. Should have warned me that I would need my gun for that."

Adam normally would have found that amusing, but he still wasn't completely ready. "What are you doing here, Kim?" The soft sigh that fell from her lips was enough to cut Adam, but her words hurt even more. "Looking for you. Voight sent Olinsky and Atwater to your apartment, but I knew you wouldn't be there. I'm worried."

Adam finally turned towards her and then tilted his head towards the window indicating the soccer field. "Colin didn't give you a hard time, did he?" He knew he was deflecting still, but he like any of their CIs needed to lay the ground work. Needed to relax to tell the truth. "Not really. Just asked if you were my dealer."

The chuckle came out of Adam before he could stop it. The irony. His old friend was actually telling the truth. Looked like he would be ripping the bandaid off "I use to be." Kim's eyes widened and their doe like nature was his kryptonite. Her shocked "What?" came out on a soft breath. Adam could feel his crooked smile spread across his face and he tilted his head down to look at his shoes. "You didn't really think I was just a natural at making drug buys, did you? I mean no one is that good out of the academy."

Adam waited. He looked up and watched her reaction. She was a open book. Those eyes held everything. She wasn't mad. She also didn't look disgusted, so he didn't let her next question phase him. "Does Voight know?" Adam could feel his shoulders ache from the cold as he shrugged them. "I'm pretty sure he and Olinsky have figured it out. But he's never asked."

Kim began walking to the window and then turned back to Adam. "I'm guessing you were never arrested since they accepted you into the academy." Adam shook his head. "I had a few close calls. I was lucky." Kim leaned back against the window. Adam could tell that she was mulling over what to say next. He knew the question before she asked it, but he wanted to let her say it. "Just ask me, Kim."

The look of compassion and concern were so strong in her eyes that his walls were becoming thin. "What happened today? What made you leave work without telling a soul?" Adam turned his body away from Kim and back towards the window. He could see her out of the corner of his eye as she waited for an answer. She didn't speak even after he took more than a moment to get his thoughts together. She waited. That patience is what finally allowed Adam to tell his story.

"You know my parents had joint custody when I was growing up." Kim's eyebrows drew together as he knew she was trying to understand the correlation between her question and his answer. "My Mom moved out of Beverly and back home to Canaryville after the divorce. She said she wanted to be closer to her family. The townhouse that we lived in is actually only about two blocks from here." Adam shifted his gaze back to Kim. He knew she needed to see his eyes for this next part. "I am so sorry, Kim. If I had know what was going on with her, I never would have protected her. I've been doing it since before I can remember and old habits don't break easily." Kim shook her head as she spoke, "You have nothing to apologize for. But I don't understand."

"Mary is my mother. Her real name is Liz, but apparently she now goes by Mary. When I started to suspect that she was the one that picked you and Erin up from the Dolls office I should have said something. I should have turned her in. When Voight didn't press the issue, I took advantage of that. I just didn't have any proof that it was her till you got that picture of Marco. I've met him. My Mom introduced him to me at dinner the other night as Gianni. I've probably been to the stash house on the North side of town. I am so screwed."

Kim got up from the window and walked to Adam. She placed her hand on Adam's crossed forearms and squeezed gently. "You are not screwed. You were protecting your mother. That was the errand you went on, right? Voight would never let a possible lead go without a reason."

Adam nodded. His body felt like a coiled spring ready to break he was so tense. Even with Kim's hand providing comfort he felt like his whole body was on fire. He had no idea how to get the calm back. Kim placed a gentle hand on his cheek making sure he was looking at her as she spoke. "Adam, Voight will not hold this against you. What does he always say? Tell him the truth so he can lie for you. He let your mother go, just as much as you did."

Adam looked into Kim's eyes and knew she meant every word she said. Even knowing that, her next action initially surprised him. The soft touch of her lips on his was a balm to his soul. As he slowly uncrossed his arms and pulled her to him, he could feel his body and soul finally for the first time in days relax. The kiss was gentle. A form of comfort that he needed.

As they parted, Adam kept his arms firmly wrapped around Kim's waist and pressed his forehead against hers. "I thought you didn't love me anymore." The sad sigh out of Kim as she rubbed his upper arm was the sound of her walls breaking too. "I never stopped loving you, Adam. I'm not sure I ever will. I just had to quit letting you break my heart."

Adam nodded while keeping their connection. He couldn't let go. Not yet. "I'm so sorry, Kim. Its not an explanation or an excuse, but my family is beyond screwed up. And I didn't know how to be engaged and plan a wedding to the woman I love when I..." Adam let go at that point and walked a few paces away. The lose of her warmth was so significant that it hurt. He turned back to her and took the deep breath he needed. "...I'm dealing with a mother that up to a few months ago couldn't even make her own rent and expects me to lie for her every time something comes up. How do I explain that I can't invite half my family because they are known to organized crime and I'd get written up by IA."

Kim's questioning look killed him. "That didn't seem to be a problem with Wendy." Adam chuckled. "She made the guest list, Kim. Since her family was paying for most of the wedding, I only got so many guests so it wasn't really an issue. However, I basically was looking for a way out of that one from the second I was done with the academy. I never looked for a way out with you. I simply looked to delay the tough conversation that I should have had with you from the moment we got engaged."

Kim took a breath and looked away from him as he could see that she was holding back tears. She wiped away the few that fell and then looked back to him. "This isn't important now. What is important is what you are going to do about your mother."

Adam felt ripped open, but he understood. He took his phone out of his pocket and turned it back on. The alerts for texts and missed calls lit up his phone like a Christmas tree, but he ignored all of them. He dialed his mother's number and waited. Through a chocked voice he spoke, "Hi, Mom. You at home? I'd like to stop by and apologize." His mother's affirmative answer was a blessing in that he wouldn't have to delay the uncomfortable situation. "I'll see you in a few minutes. Bye." He hung up the phone and looked back to Kim. "You want to help me bring her in?" Kim nodded and Adam turned to head back downstairs without waiting to see if she was following.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Ok, new chapter! All Adam. Poor guy. I will not talk about last night's episode since I know I like to remain relatively spoiler free. Thank you to everyone that has been reviewing! I've gotten behind in responding, but I figured you guys would prefer an update on this story. For those that haven't seen it yet, please check out my new story "Here With Me" and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Some days are diamonds

Some days are rocks

Some doors are open

Some roads are blocked

Sundowns are golden

Then fade away

But if I never do nothing

I'll get you back some day, 'cause

You got a heart so big

It could crush this town

And I can't hold out forever

Even walls fall down

"Walls" Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Adam watched from his rear view mirror as Kim followed him to his mother's place. He wasn't sure if she had made contact with the team or not, but he assumed she had since he could see her talking on her phone. As he pulled up and parked, he said a silent prayer that his mother would come with them quietly and not create too much of a scene. Who was he kidding? She'd put up as much of a fuss as she could. The neighbors would be talking and soon he'd be getting a phone call from his uncle. He owned the building after all. Was the only reason his mother hadn't been evicted twenty times over.

He waited at the main entrance until Kim caught up with him. They both made their way up to his mother's door in silence. Before he knocked, Adam turned to Kim and rubbed her shoulder. "I'm sorry for whatever happens here. I guarantee you she'll do or say something that deserves it." Kim just nodded and Adam knocked on the door.

His mother opened it and Adam walked in with Kim on his heels. His mother slowly began to shut the door as Adam could see her giving Kim the once over. Adam knew that she was trying to figure out how to play this already. He learned from her after all and him showing up with a woman after he had said he wanted to apologize was not going to add up for her. He knew that meant she was going to lash out.

"I thought better of you, baby. Didn't think you would be the type to pay for your dates."

Adam felt his jaw pop as he went to step forward. He would never strike his own mother, but the temptation to get in her face was there. Kim's hand on his arm held him back from just throwing his Mom in cuffs and being done with it.

He stepped back though and allowed Kim to create space between him and his darling mother. "Ma'am, I think you know by now that I'm a cop. Kim Burgess." Adam was impress that Kim didn't seem to be expecting some sort of recognition from his mother. She had never been overly interested in the women in his life.

"I can see now why Adam never introduced us." Ok, maybe Kim was a bit miffed. Adam's mother began to stalk towards Kim, but Adam stepped in front of her. He knew when his mother got challenged that things could escalate quickly.

"Don't even think about it, Mom. I think you know that you don't have any options now. Are you going to come quietly or do I have to put you in cuffs?" His mother placed her hands up in front of Adam's face. "If your going to take me in, you might as well shame your mother fully."

Adam was trying to breath. He went to reach for his cuffs and felt his body shaking with all the pent up emotion of the day combined with a lack of sleep. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kim make her way around him and grab his mother's wrist. He was amazed that his mother didn't try to protest more. Kim cuffed her and then began searching her as per protocol. Pulling a cellphone out of his mom's pocket, Kim placed it in her coat. Adam felt like he was outside of his body watching the two women of his life interacting and he barely registered Kim glancing back at him once she had finished her search. He figured that she understood that he needed a minute when she began to move his mother towards the door and out into the hallway.

Once they were both gone, Adam crouched down and placed his head in his hands. It was done. There was no going back now. The sound of his mother screaming at the top of her lungs about how awful the cops were was ringing through the building and for a moment Adam worried that Kim might need help with her, but he then heard the front building door slam and he figured out that his mother's protest was just for show.

Taking what strength he had left, he stood up and made his way downstairs. Kim was just shutting the door on his mother after placing her in the back of her car. Adam walked up to her and questioned her decision, "Sure you want to take her. She'll probably throw insults at you the whole way." Kim smirked as she looked up at him. "I started on patrol remember. She can try but I doubt it will phase me." Adam pushed his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching out for her. "She'll get personal. Just know that nothing she says has any basis in reality for me." Kim smiled and touched his arm before heading around to the driver's side. "I know." Adam turned and headed back to his truck. Time to face the rest of the unit.

Walking into the district was a return to the out of body experience that Adam had in his mother's apartment. He had taken the lead from Kim and was hauling his mother up the back stairs and towards the interview rooms when he caught sight of Voight and Olinsky. They were standing in the hallway waiting for them, but the rest of the team was no where to be seen. Adam placed his mother in the chair at the interview table and uncuffed her. Voight and Olinsky walked in the room and waited as Adam began to straighten up. Olinsky put a hand on Adam's arm and spoke softly as only he could, "We got this. Go wait outside." Adam knew there was no point in arguing and walked out of the room.

Shutting the door, he looked up and Kim was right there. He handed her the cuffs back and felt the last remaining wall he had in him crumble. A tear fell down his cheek without him noticing and Kim wrapped him in her arms. It may have only been one tear, but for Adam he might as well have been bawling. He held on tight for a moment and then pulled back. He was at work and he would be damned if he was going to lose his shit here.

Walking towards the observation room, he could feel Kim follow him and then shut the door. They both watched in silence as Voight and Olinsky questioned his mother. They knew everything. Obviously, Kim had filled them in on what he had told her and they were using it as leverage to get Liz to talk. His mother crumbled quickly when she realized that she was most likely going away due to the testimony of two cops. She chose wisely to place her hopes on a reduced sentence by cooperating. She confirmed for them the location of the second stash house which meant Adam's name would never be placed on the record for the intel.

Adam's phone kept buzzing in his pocket, but he didn't bother checking it. He knew it was either his uncle or his father. Word travels fast in Chicago with good news. Bad news took half the time, so Adam continued to let it ring. The door to the observation room opened and Voight and Olinsky walked in. Adam kept his eyes trained on his mother till Voight spoke to Kim. "Kim, could you give us a minute." Adam interrupted before Kim could move, "Anything you have to say to me she can hear."

He finally turned to face the group having had enough of seeing his mother just stare at her hands. Voight looked to Kim to see whether she was going to leave before speaking further, but she did not move a muscle. "You should have told us what you suspected. You know that." Adam nodded as Voight went to continue. "I understand why though. Luckily, your mother did you a small favor and gave up what she did. Are you up for the raid on the other house tonight. You've been in it. Your insight would be invaluable, but I understand if you want to sit this one out." Adam didn't hesitate. "I'm in. The hard part is over." Voight smiled and Olinsky patted him on the shoulder. "Well, lets get the others ready then." Voight motioned the group of them back to the bull pen.

As Adam walked into the room, he could feel the eyes of Erin, Jay, Kevin, and Antonio on him. He normally didn't mind being the center of attention, but today was a notable exception. Voight laid out the plan for that night. "Marco Donati is planning to have his girlfriend and business partner meet him at his house at five pm tonight. We're going to show up in her place. Adam, how about you give us the lay out of the house." Adam walked to the front and pointed out the different entrances on the blueprint and gave as many details as he could remember from that night. The team spent the next few hours planning out the raid.

As the team was getting ready down in the basement, Kevin came up next to Adam. "Hey, man. How did you know all those details about that house. The blue prints didn't show some of the doors you mentioned." Adam pulled down on his vest to check its fit and tried to not get defensive with his friend. "No offense, Atwater. I'm not ready to talk about that. Ok?" Kevin smiled. "Yeah. No big deal. Thought I'd ask. Watch your ass, ok?" Adam smiled and knocked fists with Kevin before the big man headed off with Dawson.

The raid itself went without incident. Thank God. Marco Donati was found just where his mother said he would be and was booked late that evening. The drugs and money seized would be splashed across the media by the police commissioner. As always, the Intelligence unit would stay in the shadows. Adam took a bit of comfort in that as he stood in his apartment the next evening. Taking a sip of the Jameson in his glass, he let the burn of the alcohol ease his mind just a bit. He placed the glass down on the window sill as he watched the park below him. He saw a family with a young boy which had caught his attention earlier. The boy's blonde hair was catching the last of the evening sun as he played catch with his father. Adam smiled to himself. That was a memory he did have. Thank the Lord for his father. The man truly had tried to put him first to the best of his ability. A soft knocking came from his front door and Adam abandoned his drink and his thought to answer it. Kim stood on the other side holding a bottle of wine. "Al said its bad form to drink alone. I figured if I was you. I would be drinking tonight." Adam stepped back and motioned Kim in.

Post AN: One more chapter, I think. Or a chapter and an epilogue. We shall see.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Well, we have reached the end. Can not believe that this story reached 10 chapters. Thank you so much to everyone that has followed, favorited, and reviewed. It has given me confidence to share the ideas that pop into my head for these characters. The music quote for this chapter is at the end. Enjoy!

Kim had felt butterflies from the moment she had left her apartment to the point that Adam had answered his door. This apartment was new. From what Kim had heard, Adam had decided that it would be easier for him to move out and sublease his old apartment to Al. Olinsky was all about the job and his girls which Kim imagined didn't give him much time for house hunting.

Adam's apartment was in a rehabbed warehouse that now housed two floors of apartments and shops on the ground level. The central atrium to the building was an interesting mix of industrial and outdoor wonderland. Trees had been planted in parts of the floor that had been dug down to the earth and their branches reached up to the steel rafters and skylights above. Flowers were placed around to add color that pleased the eye and she noted the floral scent as she walked to the main stairway.

Kim had to admit she found his choice in apartment a bit of a surprise, but once inside his door she understood better. The floor to ceiling windows reminder her of his chosen refuge from childhood and the view of the park below continued that theme. Kim now stood at one of the windows and noted his glass of whiskey in front of her on the small metal sill. She hadn't been wrong about him needing to drink tonight. She could hear him come up from behind her, so she turned to accept the glass he was holding. The sweet taste of the wine would normally have more than pleased Kim, but her nerves were making her think that she might have made a mistake in not bringing something stronger. Looking at Adam, Kim's mouth got ahead of her internal filter.

"How did your mom and dad ever get together?"

Adam's quizzical look made Kim grimace with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. That was not how I meant to..."

Adam shook his head, "No, Its ok. I ask myself the same thing all the time." Kim watched as Adam finished off is glass and placed it back on the sill. Guess he needed the strength from the liquid as much as she did.

"The stories my Uncle Danny tells me are that for a time my Mom was rebelling against her family, so she dated my Dad in high school. Interesting thought process to think that dating a kid from a cop family could be rebelling. I guess after fifteen years of marriage though she finally figured out that it wasn't who she was. Or something."

Adam picked up his glass and headed back to his kitchen table where refilled it. He turned back but did not move to rejoin her. Kim knew she was pushing, but she needed to understand. She needed to put the jigsaw puzzle that was Adam Ruzek together and at this point so many of the pieces were right in front of her.

"Your Dad. Did he not know? I mean about you? Umm.."

Adam actually laughed which confused Kim, but he shook his head. "My Dad's not Voight, Kim. He came from a good family and God love him, but if things are going well he is not going to question it. As a kid, I was really good at playing that everything was great."

Kim understood completely. A deep part of her suddenly understood how they connected and found each other so quickly at the 21st precinct. They were cut from similar but different circumstances.

"My father left when I was five."

Adam began shaking his head as he spoke, "Kim you don't..." Kim turned towards the window and took the moment she needed before turning back to Adam.

"Yes, I do."

Walking to the couch and setting her glass on the coffee table was simply finding a physical activity to deal with her nerves. Sitting down, Kim wrapped her arms around herself as if she could physically hold herself together while psychologically opening an old wound.

"My mom had finished making dinner that night and my sister was setting the table. My sister was eight, I think. Maybe nine. I can remember that she had just finished putting my hair in pigtails before my mom had called for her help. Its really weird the things you remember, you know."

Kim was mildly conscious of Adam moving to the far end of the couch as she continued.

"My father walked into the kitchen as my mom was placing the plates down on the table. He had his suitcase in his hand and he just stood at the head of the table and waited for my mother and sister to look up. I can see him in his suit and I can remember staring at his penny loafers. I remember the shoes because I was sitting on the floor still watching the tv, so his suitcase and his shoes were right there. I don't even remember what he said. I just remember seeing him walk out the front door and watching the suitcase swing in his hand. I remember even at five knowing that something had changed forever."

Kim looked down at her left hand as she suddenly realized that she was twirling her birthstone ring again. She stopped and reached for her wine glass. Taking a big gulp, she coughed a bit on the sweet burn of the liquid.

"I honestly don't know how my Mom did it. There wasn't some big explosion or long drawn out ugly fight. The papers just came one day. He gave us up. My mom. My sister. Me. It was like he just surgically removed us." Kim finally looked at Adam. "My mom use to cry at night when she thought my sister and I were asleep. She would push all day long and then collapse. Like she just got to the point that the mask was too much to hold. My sister completely changed. She just started doing what she wanted. She was so angry. When she was in high school, oh wow. My Mom had to work two jobs, so we were always with relatives and they couldn't get through to her. I don't know where she would be if she hadn't met Aaron in college. They became best friends and his mother took her in like she was her own. It was her turning point."

Kim looked up at Adam as something dawned on her. "What was yours?" Adam closed his eyes and rubbed at his beard. Kim understood the nervous gesture now. They were stripping everything away today and the physical movement was the only thing they had left to try and hide. To try and protect themselves from the fear and pain.

"Finn. My cousin Finn. He was my older, cooler cousin, and I looked up to him. He got pinched. He's spent the last fifteen years at Joliet. Wasn't the best role model for a kid to have obviously. Him getting popped just flipped something in me. He wasn't a bad guy by nature, but life just flushed him and it made me want to do something else. I drove straight home when I found out about Finn's sentencing and it was probably the first real conversation my Dad and I ever had. Where it was me and not some game I was playing."

Kim could feel Adam waiting for something and the drumming of his fingers against the fabric of the couch showed his impatience. She knew it was her. For all the scars he had exposed that day, she knew she was still holding back and couldn't blame him.

"You've talked about your mother and sister. What about you?"

Kim could feel the large tear roll down her cheek, but before she could even try and hide it Adam was there. The soft movement of his thumb across her cheek felt like a cut. The painful comfort of someone trying to help you open up the deepest wound you have. The kind that you put in a box in the back of your mind with a sticker that says do not open.

"I was the happy kid. What else could I do?"

Adam stroked her cheek again with his thumb. "You buried it." Kim could feel herself nodding her head in Adam's hand.

"He left us. Like we meant nothing. Why let him affect me? It wasn't a choice in the beginning. It was survival. My sister was a mess and I didn't want to make my Mom hurt anymore than she already did."

Kim could finally admit something when she looked up into Adam's eyes.

"My Mom told me when I was older that my father had actually been pulling away for months prior to that night, but I was too young to understand that. I... I thought that was you. You were pulling away and before I knew it you were going to be gone."

Kim could see the dawning regret in Adam's eyes as he pulled her to his chest and wrapped her in his arms. Kim held on with everything she had left. In his arms, she felt safe again. As vulnerable as she should feel in that moment, she knew that he wouldn't let her fall apart. His breath was coming out in short bursts which fanned her hair and she knew she couldn't look up or seeing him break down would break her. How he found a voice, Kim couldn't begin to understand.

"I could never leave you, Kim. Being apart from you has killed me."

Kim buried her face into Adam's neck and just breathed him in as she finally let the tears fall. She had no idea how long they stayed like that. Simply allowing the other to absorb the hurt and pain. Allowing it to wash away in tears that they had both shed that day. Kim finally began to brush away the wet trails from her face as she continued to lean against Adam's chest. Her brain connected with something her sister had said to her once.

"There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

Adam's hand stopped the rhythmic caress it had been doing on her back as if asking what she meant.

"My sister use to quote that to me after she got married and had Zooey. Said it was from a Leonard Cohen song and its what she used when I asked her how she turned everything around. I think I understand what she means now."

Adam pulled Kim even closer than she already was and then he seemed to chuckle to himself. Kim couldn't for the life of her understand what he would find amusing, but then she felt his lips lightly kiss the top of her head.

"I think I like Pink better."

Kim's eyebrows scrunched together trying to figure out which song he was thinking about. "Pink? Really?"

Adam's breath continued to fan the top of her head as he spoke the lyrics.

"Just give me a reason, Just a little bits enough, Just a second, we're not broken just bent."

Kim knew he left the next line out for a reason. Letting it hang between them like an unspoken prayer. _And we can learn to love again._ Kim finally had the strength that she hadn't had before with so much unspoken between them. She sat up so she could be even with him and he could see that she meant every word.

"I wasn't lying in the warehouse. I still love you. I never once stopped."

Adam smiled slightly. "I love you too. I never stopped." Kim felt the smile spread across her face and she couldn't help reliving the memory.

"Well, that's something we have in common."

Adam laughed and then cupped her face. The touch of his lips on hers was the best feeling. It was light, happiness, and home. And Kim knew that she wasn't going anywhere that night. She had no where else that she would rather be.

 **Two years later**

That night was another turning point. Adam sat thinking about the night that Kim had come to him with wine in hand to meet him half way. The spring air felt good as he sat on a blanket in the middle of the park across from their apartment. Their apartment. Their home. She ended up moving in two months later even though they didn't spend a night alone from that day on. Honestly, he should really say that she gradually moved in over that two months. The movement of furniture was a technicality.

It made him happy to see things work out. When he chose his apartment, he was thinking of the two of them together. It had the park near by. The kitchen island bar for their kids to do homework in the future as they made dinner. The not so distant future.

His son's uninhibited giggle as Kim chased him in the grass brought a grin to his face. Their gift. Quinn's blonde hair and big brown eyes was a perfect mix of his parents. Adam could not believe his current reality sometimes. Watching Kim, was a joy he could not describe. She was wearing an empire waist dress for strategic reasons today. The unit was meeting them for a picnic out and they were trying to make their news a surprise. Quinn was going to be a big brother in about seven months and Kim was going to have to go back on desk duty again. She was going to hate it, but love it at the same time.

"Dada!"

Quinn was pumping his little legs as fast as he could to try and get to his father and out of the reach of Kim's tickling fingers. Adam laughed as Kim scooped their son up and started to tickle him into a giggling fit. Adam finally got up and began to stalk the two loves of his life. Kim's big eyes looked towards him with a challenge unspoken. He could never turn down a challenge. Quinn squirmed his way down from his mother's arms and that gave Adam his opening. He weaved around his son and lunged for Kim, tickling her sides so she began to laugh herself.

"Quinn! Little man, what are your parents doing?"

Adam stopped tickling Kim and pulled her to his chest as he watched Quinn now run towards Atwater, who was carrying a basket that Adam was sure was filled to the brim with his mother's cooking. Kevin lifted up Quinn without effort and could be heard asking Quinn what he had been up to.

Adam squeezed Kim and then looked down into her eyes. She had never been more beautiful or looked as happy in that moment. They had their ups and downs like any couple, but the good far out weighed the bad. Adam knew that they would have bumps in the road. His mother getting released next year would be a bump, but he wasn't worried like he would have been if he didn't have his family to lean on. His unit was his family. Kim and Quinn and baby Ruzek was his family. Wedding vows or not. Adam looked down at the engagement ring that was once again on Kim's ring finger and he could not wait till next Friday when a wedding ring would be joining it. It was going to be a civil ceremony with just the unit, his Dad, Kim's Mom, and her sister's family in attendance. It was an absolute perfect plan for Adam. Small and intimate with the people that meant the most. What more could a person ask for? Not a whole hell of a lot.

Baby

We've come a long way

And baby

You know i hope and i pray

That you believe me

When i say this love will never fade away

Oh, because

You are the best thing

(you're the best thing)

You are the best thing

(you're the best thing, baby)

You are the best thing

(you're the best thing, oooh)

Ever happened to me

Both of us had no love before

(to come on promising like a spring to walk on out the door)?

Our words are strong and our hearts are kind

Let me tell you just exactly what's on my mind

"You are the Best Thing" - Ray Lamontagne


End file.
